U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
