I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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