I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
