CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
