got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
