I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
