I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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