hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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