I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
