i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
