About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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