pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
