I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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