Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
