who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
