So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
