Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize