It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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