Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
