I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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