I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
