Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
