I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
