So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
