is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
