3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
