Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
