adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize