There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
false alarm. still invincible.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
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