Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This girl is more easily done than said...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
