one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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