he wants to bone in the snuggie
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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