Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
