I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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