She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
