Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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