How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize