Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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