There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
