We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
