Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
