i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
