this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
