Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
