i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
