you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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