i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
