need another drink. this is the easiest way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
