yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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