I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
