are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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