also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
