I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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