I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
