Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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