No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
