Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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