Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
