we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
