He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
