Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have post one night stand depression
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