Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
