wat bout pragnant strippers??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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