In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
