Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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