I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
