I think I won the penis lottery.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We had sex on a dog bed..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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