His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize