All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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