I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I looked at my own cervix.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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