I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
