There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
