I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize