well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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