the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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