You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
