Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
