none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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