I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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