I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
