just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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