It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize