does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
