I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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