If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
