nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize