yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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