my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How naked do you want me to be?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
