i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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