some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
