just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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