dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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