i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
