I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
