I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
