she looked like the before picture.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
