why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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