the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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