I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
