it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't think brook has ever known best
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
