You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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