You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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