Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
