Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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