; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
