In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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