New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
