omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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