So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
